Wednesday, 30 May 2018

"Warhammer isn't for kids" says middle aged man painting a plastic dragon.

Craig Dunlop, 41 from London, is so furious when he read about about Games Workshops planned Warhammer Adventures novels aimed at children he nearly dropped his newly built dragon miniature. "How could they make something so grown up and serious appeal to kids" Craig said while gluing a tiny plastic elf to a dragon "it doesn't make sense"

"I think that the 40k books for kids is an even worse idea.  I just don't think kids should engage with a universe that is constant war, kids shouldn't know about soldiers shooting each other with lasers and stuff" Craig added while adjusting his Star Wars t-shirt.

Craig ended his statement by saying "I just think that Warhammer should be for grown adults and just isn't suitable for children" before going to have his diner of chicken nuggets and ketchup.

Monday, 13 November 2017

Gamer So Furious about New Necromunda That They Will Only buy 4 Copies.

Stewart Perkins - a 34 year old wargamer from London - is so furious about the new edition of Games Workshops skirmish game Necromunda he has decided to only buy half the amount of copies of the core box then he usually would.

"I mean look at it,  it's a board game - I know the designers of the game and Games Workshop have said it isn't but it looks like a board game so it must be one."  Stewart said " It's not exactly how I remember it so it'll obviously be terrible"

"I think everything is wrong about this game so I will only spend a couple of hundred quid on it.  I have everything about it.  I hate the fact that it's not a complete game,  I will have to buy a separate book on the day of release to play the full game,  yeah I know they have said that the main box is a full game but I think it's not so how can it be a full game?" Stewart continued.

"I'm just sick of people being positive about something that I don't like the look of!"  Stewart was last seen pre-ordering extra miniatures for his set of Necromunda.  "I'm so furious about the scale creep as well" he was heard saying.

Sunday, 11 June 2017

Shadowrun Player Hospitalised After Rolling Too Many D6

Sarah Miller, 29 from Bristol, has been playing in the same Shadowrun campaign for over four years now but the groups last session had to end short after Sarah caused dislocated her elbow trying to throw the required amount of dice to make a skill check in the game.

"It was horrible" Sarah said "I've never felt pain like it! I was just trying to get my Dwarf Decker to do some hacking."

Carl Willis, the GM in this particular campaign said "it was terrible.  We told her not to roll them all at once but she said she had to.  She said she could take the strain but her elbow clearly couldn't."

Staff at the local A&E said "This is actually a very common complaint.  We see maybe 3-4 roleplayers a month with dislocated joints after particularly long sessions of Shadowrun.   We all know Tennis Elbow is recognised as a serious ailment but we need to let people know about the dangers of Shadowrun Elbow"

Monday, 29 May 2017

40k Player Already Regrets Burning Army

Warhammer 40,000 fan Sean Tally is already kicking himself for burning his Tyranid army as soon as Games Workshop announced the 8th Edition of the Sci-Fi battle game.

"I was furious when they announced the new edition.  How dare they change something I enjoy." said Sean misty eyed.  "I obviously knew nothing about the new version but I knew I would hate it.  The only thing I could do was to burn my Tyranids.  It makes perfect sense when you think about it."

But it didn't take long for Sean to see the errors of his ways.  "Then Games Workshop started giving us information about how the new edition plays and a look at some cool new models.  I started to think that maybe I shouldn't have made a knee jerk reaction to something I knew nothing about?"

"I am actually convinced that the new version of 40k will actually be great,  I have already started planning my new Primaris Space Marine Army.  I think this is going to be the best version yet maybe?"  Sean continued "They better not change anything after this though otherwise these new Marines are dust."

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Gamer Finding it Increasingly Hard to Stay Angry at Games Workshop

William McCann, a 35 year old wargamer from Edinburgh, is finding it harder and harder to find things to complain about regarding Games Workshop.

"I have been playing Games Workshop games since I was about 13" William said "but a few years a go I feel out of love with the company.  One of my favourite things to do was to go online and tell everyone that I didn't play Warhammer 40,000 anymore and that they should bring back games like Blood Bowl and Necromunda...I never thought that they would actually bring them back"

"I thought I would love complaining about Age of Sigmar, and boy did I complain about it when I first read the four pages of rules...but then I actually played it." William continued "It was so much fun that I now have two armies for it! Maybe making it easier to get into was a good idea."

"After that I started to complain about how White Dwarf wasn't as good as it used to be and that they should make it monthly again.  Then guess what they went a did?"  William said "It's a shame really because I used to really enjoy complaining about Games Workshop online"

Game of Talisman Finally Ends After Three Weeks

A game of the classic Games Workshop board game Talisman: The Magical Quest Game has finally reached its end after three weeks of constant play.

Kevin Salter, Jennifer Dyer, Holly Gosling and Carl Miller started the game with the best intentions.  "We all met up to play some board games" Jennifer said "we played a few card games the Kevin suggested we play Talisman." 

"I used to play it all the time as a kid and really fancied playing it again" Kevin said " I dug out my old copy from the cupboard, dusted it off and set it up.  The box said it was a 120 min play time, so we thought we had plenty of time to play!"

After a gruelling three weeks the game finally came to an end.  The gamers emerged from Kevin's house, dishevelled and hungry.  "120 mins?" Holly said through the tears "why would a box lie to people like that!?" 

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Beasts of Wars Warren to Host Whole Episode of The Weekender Only Using Innuendos

Beasts of War presenter Warren Johnston is set to host an entire episode of their web series The Weekender only speaking sexual innuendos.

"It's going to very hard" Warren said about the task "but I will have to suck it up and take it on the chin."  The show, that usually discusses news and events in the gaming world as well as the hosts own experiences and and hobby, is a regular weekly series that has been running for many years now. "Some of the shows are very long" Warren commented "but we can managed to cram a lot in."

When asked if he was nervous about stunt Warren replied "I am scared stiff.  It really puts the willies up me! I think I'll manage to pull it off though."

Justin Mc Auly, another regular on the show, said "It's really unlike Warren,  i've never noticed him using innuendos in the past."

Thursday, 2 February 2017

6 Year long D&D Campaign finally reaches its 3rd Session.

Kenny Downton, a Dungeon Master from Cornwall, has finally managed to get his D&D group together for the third game of their on going Dungeons & Dragons Campaign.

"It's very exciting" Kenny, 32, said " it's only been 2 years since our last session, it usually takes much longer to get a D&D session  together!" 

Kate Ennis, who plays a Dwarf Fighter in the campaign said "the last session was great, well what I remember of it anyway.  I'm pretty sure Kenny will give us a recap.  If not I'll be lost to be honest."

"I pretty much remember what happened in the last game.  I think they had a bar brawl.  This next session should be great though,  it should end with them just getting to the dungeon." 

Monday, 30 January 2017

PETA To Publish it's own Miniatures Wargame

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, are planning on releasing their own Miniatures Wargame.

A spokes person for the animal rights charity said "After asking Games Workshop to stop producing fantasy miniatures that wear fur we decided to make our own game.  We will work with games designers and will produce our own range of, obviously fur free, miniatures to accompany the game." 

The game is set to have a rich and fully fleshed out setting.  "The characters in the will all have great intentions,  they will essentially be "good guys" but they will, for some reason, focus all their efforts in the wrong areas" The spokes person said "their hearts will be in the right place but they will really really miss the point...constantly."

Friday, 27 January 2017

Blood Bowl player still convinced it's the dices fault.

Long time Blood Bowl player Robert Dunt is still convinced that the reason he never wins at Blood Bowl is because of the dice.  
The 3rd Edition of the game.
Dunt, 37 from Suffolk, said recently "I've been playing Blood Bowl since 3rd edition in 1994.  I think in all that time I have only ever won four games.  Why would Games Workshop make the dice so discriminatory.  Why do the dice hate me so much?"

The offending dice.

Robert, staring angrily at a set of Block Dice, continued "I love the game and have several teams but it's the Block Dice,  I am sure they are weighted to land on the Skulls.  I have bought sixteen different sets and even made my own but they always seem to fail me."

"People tell me that dice are just random but I am sure Blood Bowl dice are just evil.  I mean it can't be that I am just bad at the can it? Can it?"