Monday, 30 January 2017

PETA To Publish it's own Miniatures Wargame

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, are planning on releasing their own Miniatures Wargame.

A spokes person for the animal rights charity said "After asking Games Workshop to stop producing fantasy miniatures that wear fur we decided to make our own game.  We will work with games designers and will produce our own range of, obviously fur free, miniatures to accompany the game." 

The game is set to have a rich and fully fleshed out setting.  "The characters in the will all have great intentions,  they will essentially be "good guys" but they will, for some reason, focus all their efforts in the wrong areas" The spokes person said "their hearts will be in the right place but they will really really miss the point...constantly."

Friday, 27 January 2017

Blood Bowl player still convinced it's the dices fault.

Long time Blood Bowl player Robert Dunt is still convinced that the reason he never wins at Blood Bowl is because of the dice.  
The 3rd Edition of the game.
Dunt, 37 from Suffolk, said recently "I've been playing Blood Bowl since 3rd edition in 1994.  I think in all that time I have only ever won four games.  Why would Games Workshop make the dice so discriminatory.  Why do the dice hate me so much?"

The offending dice.

Robert, staring angrily at a set of Block Dice, continued "I love the game and have several teams but it's the Block Dice,  I am sure they are weighted to land on the Skulls.  I have bought sixteen different sets and even made my own but they always seem to fail me."

"People tell me that dice are just random but I am sure Blood Bowl dice are just evil.  I mean it can't be that I am just bad at the can it? Can it?"

Thursday, 26 January 2017

Argument about Line of Sight Reaches Day Four

Two wargamers have been locked in a fierce debate about Line of Sight for four days now. 

One example of how the debate could get resolved.

Adrian Smee and Andy Mills, both 29 from London, have been arguing about whether one model can shoot at another during miniatures wargame at their local games club.  Adrian said "we were having a great time playing at first,  my army was winning but when one of his models wanted to shoot at one of my guys holding an objective I was convinced there was no line of sight!"

Andy replied "I got down on my knees and took a models eye view and everything,  I could clearly see the muzzle of the gun on the model"
"Yeah but that doesn't count!" Adrian snapped back before we had to break them apart.

When a fellow patron of the games club suggested that "It doesn't really matter, just roll a dice for it" they were quickly shut down and ejected from the building.

The debate is ongoing...

Sunday, 22 January 2017

Board Gamer in Training to Unbox their new Fantasy Flight Board Game

Duncan Clarke,  a board gamer from Kent in the UK has started their strenuous workout regime in preparation for unboxing their most recent board game purchase.  

"I recently picked up a copy of Arkham Horror.   It's been sitting on my shelf for since I bought it and I thought it was about time I face the task of opening it." Mr Clarke, 27, said already sweating at the idea of the mammoth task.  "When I got the X-COM Board Game I didn't prepare before hand and was bed bound for almost a week after I punched out all the components.  I think it has done irreparable damage to my thumbs,"

Hand Squeezy things
"I've been weight lifting, doing sit-ups and using one of those hand squeezr things you see in films.  I never understood what they were for but now I am convinced that they were made for intensive board game unboxing training" Duncan said "The training has been going great so far,  my trainer thinks I should be ready to full unbox the game in three to six weeks...about the same amount of time it will take to set up and play a game of it!"

Thursday, 19 January 2017

Wargamer Finally finishes 2015's New Year project

Avid Wargamer Anne Shaw has finally finished her new years project from 2015,  a personal record.

"I can't believe I actually finished it! I'm so proud of myself!" Anne said "I knew doing a whole Kings of War Goblin Army was going to be a stretch but I finished it in record time! My 2013 new year project is still setting half painted on my table." Miss Shaw looked extremely pleased with her achievement as she spoke "Now all I have to do is get working on my 2016 project..."

"Once that's done it's time for all my other projects to finish." Anne continued "My Infinity gang,  my 40k  Tau army, my Deadzone Enforcers, my Dropzone Commander starter set,  my Bolt Action Soviet Army,  my Malifaux gang,  My Vikings for Saga,  My Blood Bowl and Guild Ball Teams, my Age of Sigmar Nurgle Rotbringers army of course...."

When asked if she will ever find time to finish all her projects Anne replied "Only if they ever stop bringing out awesome looking games,  and that's bound to happen soon right? Right?  RIGHT!?"

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

34 Year Old Man Realises Nothing Will Ever be as Good as Necromunda

Toby Jackson, 34 of Essex UK, has come to the realisation that nothing in life will ever be as good as the 1995 Game Workshop Sci-Fi Skirmish game Necromunda.

The Greatest Box Cover Art of all time.

"I used to play Necromunda every weekend when I was a school.  I spent so many hours levelling up my gangs"  said Toby "I have now realised that I have spent my entire adult life trying to recapture that thrill and excitement."

"I remember they day I left school and passed my GSCE's with flying colours.  It was great but it wasn't quite as good as the time I took out my friends Goliath leader in the first turn with a well placed Boltgun shot" Toby remembered misty eyed.  "The day I met my wife was one of the best days of my life, but it couldn't match when my first Juve levelled up to be a Ganger."

"Our wedding day was obviously beautiful"  Mr Jackson continued "but not quite as beautiful as the time my Van Saar gang managed to win a four way gang fight only taking one casualty" said Toby wiping a tear from his eye.  "I cried when my first child was born of course, but not nearly as much as when my Van Saar leader died after levelling his up for two and a half years."

Mr Jackson could barely hold back the tears as he finished "I guess I have had a good life...but I still think of that Van Saar gang everyday.  I really miss those guys."

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

40K player still angry about Age of Sigmar for some reason

Warhammer 40,000 player Ian Cooper is still incandescent with rage that Games Workshop changed Warhammer Fantasy Battles to Warhammer:  Age of Sigmar despite it being a year and a half since the change.

A Stormcast Eternal that Ian still calls a Sigmarine.
"Why would they do this to me?" Ian said recently "Why would they change a game that I barely ever played?  People loved Warhammer Fantasy Battles, not me mind, I only ever played it once and found it a bit stale, but some people loved that game apparently!"  

Mr Cooper, 29, was so angry about the update of the game he was physically shaking as he spoke.  "Four pages of rules!? It's almost as if they are trying to make the game appeal to children!"  Ian said while spending his Christmas money on some new plastic toy soldiers.  "Surely it's not a real game unless you have to cross reference between three to four different books to field one army!"

"I obviously make my feelings known online about Age of Sigmar"  Ian continued "I even joined the Age of Sigmar fan page on Facebook just to talk smack about it to the people that play it.  This has to be the best way to get people to come and play 40k with me right?" 

When asked if he had even played Age of Sigmar Mr Cooper got defensive "Well, I haven't actually played it but I have read the rules and all the Warscrolls - that Games Workshop have provided for free - and I just felt so cheated.  Why are Games Workshop being so selfish and greedy?"

When asked if Games Workshop will take 40k  in a similar direction to Age of Sigmar Ian burst into a fit of rage and began to explain that he would leave the game behind and play something else if GW did such a thing.  "...but that would bring new people into the game of 40k,  that's the last thing we need!"  he said while storming out of the room.

Games Workshop were contacted but refused to comment...obviously.

Monday, 16 January 2017

Painter in mourning after spilling new pot of Agrax Earthsade

Avid miniature painter Andrew Livingstone suffered a major lose this week after he knocked over a freshly opened bottle of Citadel Agrax Earthshade.

An example of the devastation 

Andrew, 28, said "I have seen the pictures on Facebook pages and stuff but never thought it would ever happen to me."  Mr Livingstone, who was half way through painting a Khorne Bloodbound army when the accident occurred added  "I once knocked one of the old pots of Shade but it didn't actually spill but the new tall pots may as well be especially designed to tip over."

Andrew was at home at the time of the incident but didn't waste anytime in sharing the news.  "There was so much mess,  those new pots have so much paint in it was like a brown tidal wave had hit my painting table.  But obviously before I cleaned it up though I took a few pictures of it on my phone and shared them on all the gaming forums, Facebook pages, the WhatsApp group message for my gaming mates and text everyone else I knew.  The support has been amazing.  It's amazing to find out how many other people have also been through this kind of trauma."

Andrew Livingstone was last seen counting the pennies at the counter of his local Games Workshop Store desperately trying to buy a replacement bottle of Agrax Earthshade.

Games Workshop were contacted but refused to comment...obviously.